Category Archives: Humor

by

The Donneybrook

The Cliffs of Moher in Ireland
The bridge in Cong, County Mayo. Film site of “The Quiet Man”

So, it is St. Patrick’s Day, and I thought I would post some fun thoughts about this famous day for those of us who are of Irish descent. Recently on a trip to Ireland, we were treated to a visit to Cong in County Mayo to see the site of the filming of one of my favorite movies- ” The Quiet Man.” One of the key scenes in the movie is where Sean Thornton ( John Wayne) takes on Squire Danaher ( Victor McLaughlin) in a “donneybrook” or a public fight all through the fictional town of Innisfree. You have to see the movie to understand the reason for the “donneybrook” but suffice to say- it is hilarious and rather typical of what happens in Ireland after a few pints and some heated words.

Also- typical of what happens is, after the fight, both parties retire to a pub and begin drinking pints together. In some ways, the fight or the donneybrook, is like a sport. And when you see the scene, you can understand that a lot of Irish guys have the fight or sport in them. In the movie, bets were placed , and in many ways- it is like a sporting event with the finale always celebrated together in a pub.

Our first two pints at the Temple Bar in Dublin.

Our tour guide in Ireland was Brendan McCarthy, who told me that people in Ireland are usually buried at noon. So if anyone says to you, ” you will be going out at noon” those are typical fighting words and you better be prepared for a ……….donneybrook.

Now, I have been to Ireland twice, once riding my road bike, and recently with my wife Janet. I can’t wait to go back, but my first memories of the Irish go back to my time with great friends of my family- the Faulkners. Bill and Eileen Faulkner were friends of my folks, and their kids are my friends to this day. But
” Wild Bill” taught me a lot of things about the Irish when he would take me with his family to the Irish Center in Pittsburgh. Lots of music, lots of “craic” as they say in Ireland, and very funny senses of humor throughout the scene. ” Wild Bill” also taught me about the custom of some of the Irish guys to have a ” go” in the parking lot. One day, when Eileen and the girls left me to take care of “Wild Bill”, he sat me down at the bar at the Blarney Stone Restaurant and bought me a pint. Next to us was this guy named Paddy Mahoney. Wild Bill looked over at him and acknowledged his presence but then proceeded to say to him………..” you always had an eye for Eileen, didn’t you?” Paddy responded ” your damn right I did” and both guys stood up and began to approach each other. Knowing what was coming, I stepped in between them and told them to stop, and I would buy them a pint. They both smiled, sat down and drank my purchased pint. I think I may have stopped a good one there all over the good graces of Eileen Faulkner. She would have been mortified if she were there and that fight ensued.

Another example of a donneybrook was when the former commissioner of Ross Township, Coleman Mulkerrins, a native Irishman, came up to me at the Irish Center. Now I knew Coleman and knew that he was kind of a wild man, so when he approached, I wondered what he wanted. He said,” Pat- lets you and I go out in the parking lot and have a go.” He was not angry with me, in fact he liked me. He only wanted to show me ” what a tough cat” he was. His words. I responded that I knew he was a tough cat and to celebrate that, why not have a pint? He smiled, liked the idea, and put his arms around my shoulder’, and we walked together to the bar. Coleman and Wild Bill are no longer with us. I don’t think Paddy Mahoney is either. But all these guys showed me the quirky personalities of some Irish guys and what floated their boats. Donneybrooks are not unusual, and what I came to learn is that not all of them are of malicious intent. The sport of it requires a post pint and lots of laughs sometimes with missing teeth. The Irish, who have made their way here, are fun and enjoy being in America. Listen to them, they are funny, talented, and will be some of your best friends ever. Just beware if someday they look at you and say……………” you’ll be going out at noon”. Slainte.

Brendan McCarthy making Janet a St. Brigid’s Cross.

by

St. Brendan the Navigator

Brendan McCarthy- our “illustrious” National Tour Guide. Seen here making a St. Brigid’s Cross for Janet. We called him Brendan the Navigator after the famous monk who discovered the New World 1000 years before Leif Erikson.

Cead mile faitle is the traditional Irish greeting that means one hundred thousand welcomes in Gaelic, the native language of Ireland. And if there were ever a country that welcomes you with open arms, it is Ireland, and their extremely friendly people. Now I could give you a travelogue about our recent trip to Ireland, but instead of boring you to death, I am going to tell you about Brendan McCarthy, our National Certified tour guide, who embodies all the qualities of the Irish that I really, really like. Most countries have a rather neutral, at best, feeling about Americans. Not true of the Irish who cherish their relationships with Americans. I think partly because in some way, they feel that we are all related and are coming back to visit our roots. Brendan certainly made us feel that way.

Early in the trip, we visited the lovely seaside town of Kinsale on the southern tip of Ireland. Before we met the local tour guide, Brendan took us to a high piece of ground that was dedicated to the 343 New York City Firefighters who lost their lives during 9/11. Brendan related the story of the woman who worked as a nurse in New York and donated her land in Ireland to be a spot of remembrance. Brendan knew her and actually planted many of the trees that are standing there today in memory of those brave men. He actually became emotional as he told us how he drove down on the day of the planting, two hours each way. He said he loved Americans and had a huge hole in his heart that day when the firefighters were killed. He wanted to be a part of the dedication in Kinsale. That day, we got a glimpse into the character of Brendan McCarthy.

The Irish are funny, witty, but emotional people. Much of that is seen in the writings of the poets and authors of Ireland, and also with Brendan, and even myself in a way. That day, I saw a bit of myself in the personality of Brendan. In fact, all during our trip, I felt that I knew many of the people somehow because not only was I viewing my geneaology, but also talking to the people, I felt close to them because, well, they are somehow….my people. Yes- they are warm and friendly, but I have to tell you they are funny as hell too! As Brendan regaled us with the history of Ireland, day after day on our van, he also let loose with some really funny sayings that we all grew to love. Like when he wanted us to take a comfort stop, he said in his very lilting Irish brogue, ” I want yous all to squeeze the lemon and be bums in seats in 15 minutes.” Squeeze the lemon!!! Hilarious. As a typical Irishman, he also humored us with many stories and pronounced “th” as “t.” For instance, ” I know what you are tinkin” ” I want you on the bus at 8 turty” ” The time is 5 turty tree.” We all got a kick out of his distinctive and lyrical brogue, and I am sure he wondered about my dahn and ahhts from Pittsburgh as well. He referred to “herself” and “himself”. There is himself. There is herself- in the altogether. He would tell us a story and then say,” Look it up.” It is the troot” ” I swear to God”. We believed him even though we thought that just maybe he stretched the troot sometimes. LOL!! But you would never find a happier guy and he made it his business to take us to all the nooks and crannies that people might not see. Like the bridge from the movie “The Quiet Man”. Or Paidi O’Se’s pub in Dingle that had a lot of memorabilia from many of the Gaelic sports heroes. Brendan made it his business to show us places that a lot of tourists may not find on their own.

The bridge from The Quiet Man in Cong, Ireland. I could just see John Wayne sitting on that wall.
Janet and Brendan dancing on the bus.
We met up with our pal Mike Dunlay, who bought a house in Dingle. He and Brendan hit it off instantly.
The Cliffs of Moher
Blarney Castle
Our group. Strangers at first. Friends in the end. All due to the glue that was Brendan McCarthy.

But perhaps one of the most touching moments, was when Brendan stopped at St Brigid’s Well, a place dedicated to the female patron saint of Ireland. There he asked us all to depart the bus, and go into the cave that housed the well, say a prayer, and as we all exited the well, Brendan had us hold hands and circle up as he recited the Lord’s Prayer in Gaelic. He then took an older St Brigid’s cross and put in back in the well area in dedication to his mother who he lost the previous year. Well after that, my bladder was behind my eyeballs for sure, and we all got another glimpse into the character of Brendan McCarthy. The Irish are close to their mothers and this was a little stop that was very touching.

St Brigid’s Well site.
The well itself.

As we drove to and through breathtaking scenery that featured the west coast of Ireland, Brendan kept us entertained with history, local lore, and some very funny jokes. Very dry. Like- he pointed out a cemetery and said that the guy that invented the crossword puzzle was buried there. I asked where, giving him the opportunity for the punchline, and he said, ” 6 down and four across.” We all chuckled at that one. He also said that people are buried in Ireland at noon. So, if you get into an argument with an Irishman, the final line may just be…………..” you’ll go out at noon.” I loved that line and we used it on each other for the rest of the trip and laughed out heads off.

We were very pleased with Brendan and also the company he works for called Irish Tours for You. You can find them on the internet and I would highly recommend them. My contact was Fionnuala O’ Loughlin ( How about that great Irish name!) fionnuala@irishtoursforyou.com They even came to meet us for lunch on the last day to say good bye. You will never find a better tour and never find people easier to work with.

Fionnuala second from right and Ellen from Irish Tours for You.

As I thought about the trip and all we saw on the plane ride home, I thought how much the people, the food, and the scenery meant to me. I was very comfortable in Ireland as I thought about the food my grandma cooked, the sayings that my mother and grandmother said along with the sayings of my father in law- George Bope – who loved being Irish. I can’t wait to go back again. And If I do, I will surely contact St. Brendan the Navigator to come with us again for sure. Thanks for reading. Slainte’

A very young Pat McCloskey cycling in Ireland years ago. Can’t believe I waited 40 years to go back.

“May the saddest day of your future, be no worse than the happiest day of your past.”

“May the walls of your home never fall in and those within them never fall out.”

“May you live for a hundred years with one more year to repent.”

by

The Headless Rider

You know, sometimes you have to come up with some ingenious ideas to get over on a chronic problem or use creativity in being proactive. Some work and some do not. Take the time I went to Tuckerman Ravine to climb and ski and thought that it would be a good idea to pre -pack peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and carry them in my backpack. At the end of the week of skiing and climbing and sleeping in the shelter up against my backpack, the prepacked bag of sandwiches from Pittsburgh ended up as a wad of peanut butter and jelly doughball in New Hampshire that was kind of disgusting at week’s end. Not a good idea.

Recently, however, I came up with a good one. The gnats in the woods this year have been particularly bothersome on mountain bike rides. As you start to perspire, those little buggers start to swarm your head supposedly looking for the moist, exhale of carbon dioxide. Riding up hills and grinding away, I found myself constantly swatting away gnats from my face and ears which really started to put a damper on what is usually an enjoyable experience riding my mountain bike. I found that anything over 7 MPH would help the situation, but climbing was usually below that speed. I tried every spray known to man and nothing really worked. Then it hit me……….a mosquito net. I ordered two from Amazon and they came the next day and problem solved. It worked great on the rides but there is one problem. Well, not really a problem, but a situation of perception.

I noticed that the net is rather dark and from far away, people have remarked that it looked like I had no head because it was so dark. Dogs started to bark at me in fright or not knowing quite what I was, coming up on them in the twilight. People think it is a good idea and make their remarks, but they also say I am rather scary looking coming up on them at a higher speed. I come breezing by with my bell warning them of my approach. It occurred to me after several comments that I was really like the Headless Horsemen in the famous Washington Irving short story ” The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”. For the uninitiated, this tale written in 1820, is about a Hessian trooper during the Revolutionary War, that supposedly was decapitated by a cannon ball. The legend goes that at midnight, the horseman supposedly came to life in the graveyard and rode around the countryside looking for his severed head, terrorizing all who saw him. There is also a love story involved, but you can read that if you like. I always liked this short story and also liked Washington Irving, as he also wrote Rip van Winkle. But suffice to say, at dusk, riding my mountain bike, with the mosquito net, I can be quite daunting coming up from behind on some poor unsuspecting hiker or runner.

As good as the mosquito net works, the visual of no head tends to scare people and dogs. Especially when it starts to turn dark. I kind of laugh to myself when I come flying by and say nothing. The Ichabod Cranes of the world, on the trails, are quite intimidated by the approach of the Headless Rider of North Park and you never know, a new legend may emerge their as my rides continue.

I don’t have problems with gnats now, and this was probably one of the best innovations that I have come up with. But with my usual dark riding clothes, the dark net, and the silent passing with the bell, it could be a lot of fun around Halloween. But hopefully the gnats won’t be a problem anymore at that time. Think creatively and come up with something better than pre-packed peanut butter and jelly. There are lots of instances where your creativity could save the day. Thanks for reading and laughing.

by

The Added Value Life

So the other day, I was coming back from a ride and I had Pandora blasting away in my Jeep radio with…………The New Riders of the Purple Sage channel. Now the appreciation for the New Riders, the Flying Burrito Brothers and similar dirt bag hippie music groups from the 70s all started with Caflisch Hall at Allegheny College. I was an independent and living in Caflisch with all the hippies who chose not to be frat boys and I gained some serious appreciation for this music as it flowed freely down the halls and out the windows on sunny days- a rarity for Meadville, Pa. My wife would never appreciate this music so most of the time that I play it anymore, I am in my Jeep by myself. Janet always kids me and says I have a whole other life that she is not aware of- people she is not aware of, and many, many experiences that she is not aware of. A whole other added value life of Pat McCloskey. LOL!!! But those days at Allegheny seasoned my appreciation for music even to this day. How many people other than maybe ones my age would even know who the New Riders are or the Burrito Brothers for that matter. They might be familiar with the Byrds who infused some members into these groups and vice versa, but for the most part, when people ask me what I listen to in the car I say……………………The New Riders and they give me a strange look.

Bentley Hall- Allegheny College. Built in 1815
Caflisch Hall- home of the burnouts.

One year we had Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen up at Allegheny. Another raucous hippie band whose forlorn sounding hit that year had lyrics that rang out” and I am down to seeds and stems again too.” I was even asked to help at the door with my friend who was a big Commander fan and after the show, we were invited to their trailer to drink Iron City with the band. Old Bob Rose and I obliged and had a great time sitting with the Commander and his guys recounting their adventures on the road. Needless to say, I listen to the Commander in my Jeep too. He recently passed but his music lives on blasting away in my Jeep.

The Commander

Listening to these songs today makes me daydream about the times hitchhiking back and forth to Allegheny College. One time I talked a guy’s ear off all the way home until he leaned over and asked me where I wanted to be dropped off. I found out he was deaf. I told him all my best stories for nothing. LOL!! Life in Caflisch is etched in my memory and whenever I play these old groups on Pandora, I am always reminded of some crazy times back in college. Most of those guys now are successful attorneys and brokers, but if you would have seen them then, shoulder length hair and listening to this music incessantly into the night, you would never think that they had much of a future. My old roommate even got some needed furniture from the post office in a beer infused clandestine operation that yielded “Early Post Office” decor for our dorm room. I think he celebrated with one of his Genesee Cream Ales that were stuffed into our refrigerator, and some late night music from the Burrito Brothers.

Life is speeding by these days and sometimes I think I have to apply the brakes pretty hard in order for it to be truly appreciated. But driving down the road, listening to the New Riders, gives me a little reverse gear. Janet would see another new side of me that she might not be aware of. Yet another nugget of the added value life of PJM. And we have been married 35 years. I repeat a lot of things, but she still doesn’t know the half of it. LOL!!! ” I know you rider going to miss me when I am gone……………………….” Thanks for reading.

by

Ya Gadda Have a Laugh

I try to make Jan laugh every day. Usually, I am successful. LOL!!

Have you noticed how serious some people are today? Politics, the economy, and other daily stressors tend to make some people very agitated when really there is not much we can do about it other than try to be kind to each other daily. Part of that kindness is to get a laugh out of people and for a brief moment, they forget their troubles and laugh at the situation. In my case, I self- deprecate to elicit that laugh. Take last week for example. It was my nephew’s birthday. He was not happy about turning 31, but I told him I have socks older than him. That got a good laugh from him even though Richard tends to be fairly serious. For a brief moment, he realized that his Uncle Pat made him feel better. I enjoyed hearing him laugh.

In the last blog post, I talked about getting hit in the head with a chipped ham sandwich while riding my road bike. Not too funny at the time especially with what the driver had to say to me, but funny today thinking about it. And the best part- funny to all of you . Admit it. A chipped ham sandwich……..whack……right in the back of the helmet. With mayo!!!

Speaking of road riding- have any of you riders noticed how serious some road riders tend to be? I happen to be friendly on rides and when we pass a group of road riders, oftentimes they don’t say hello and kind of give you a scowl like they are in the Tour de France or something? I chuckle and think to myself, nobody is going to the Olympics on your ride…….lighten up.

Making Pete laugh is a daily occurrence.

I think the main reason a lot of people like to ride or ski with me is I make them laugh. We jokingly talk about mishaps on the ride or on the slopes. And I bring up some inane conversation that has nothing to do with the ride. I just try to make them laugh while we are killing each other up some hill. My friend Porter always laughs when he reminds me that I took out a whole PSIA clinic group one time on the ski slopes. They were all serious involved in a conversation about technique when I skied down to talk to them, crossed my tips, and took out the whole group like bowling pins including the examiner conducting the clinic. I was embarrassed at the time. But now……..it is one of the funny things Porter remembers. He always says” a level III certified guy cleans out the whole group!” You would think I would know better, but it gets a laugh every time Porter and Tim bring it up.

The makeshift meet and greet table at the World Cup in Snowshoe

I also like to create things to get a laugh. Like when Bob Anderson and the Shark and I visited Snowshoe, West Virginia for the World Cup Mountain Bike Races. Shark is a character and Bob and I saw a free table in the expo area. We set up a makeshift meet and greet so that the UCI mountain bike community could meet the Shark. People didn’t quite know what to make of it, but you would be amazed at the riders and their entourage who came over to meet the Shark. We had a lot of laughs about that. Especially since Bob A tends to be on the serious side……………until you get a big belly laugh from him. Doesn’t take much. LOL!!!

Specialized rider Haley Batten. She was anxious to meet the Shark. LOL!!!
Specialized rider Sina Frei didn’t quite know what to make of the Shark. LOL!!

I have a lot of fun riding mountain bikes and skiing because I don’t take things too seriously and a laugh on the chairlift or on the trail is well worth my effort. I like to brighten people’s day and getting a laugh out of them is always a fun pursuit.

There are so many funny things that occur during the day and if you take the time to capture them, have fun with them, and get a smile out of someone, you have done a good thing for people. I make my wife Janet laugh every day and even though my son Jack often doesn’t appreciate my humor, I like to get a laugh from him as well. Remember- dads are dorks and it is a challenge to overcome that. But oftentimes I relish my role as ………………the dork.

My buddy Dixon always gets me to laugh. He is a character. I have a lot of characters in my life.

Surround yourself with fun people and your life will be so enriched. Things are tough today. There is a lot of division, bitterness, and bad blood, but if you can make the best of it, look on the bright side of life, and don’t get hung up on the news, your life will be so much more fulfilling. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself either. So many people are insecure that they don’t like to make fun of themselves. I don’t know how secure I am, but I don’t have any trouble making fun of myself. It makes other people laugh, and for that………………I am happy. My mother always said, ” happiness is like a perfume…..you can’t sprinkle it on others without getting a little bit on yourself.” No truer words have been said and my mother was…………..a character. Thanks for reading.

I even had Greg Lemond laughing on some rides.
by

A Slave to the Watch

The Garmin Fenix 6X- Taskmaster!!

I have always liked gizmos. I had Polar heart rate monitors for many years as well as sports watches and devices mounted to my bike to tell me my mileage. I regularly entered information into Velo-News logs about rides, who I rode with, maximum heart rates, and all kinds of information that was interesting to me as a weekend warrior. I had the first app on the I-phone for calculating vertical feet when skiing, and when the creators of Alpine Replay( the name of the app at the time) saw that my buddy Hutch and I had broken the one day record each for his app( 57,000 vertical feet in one day at Northstar at Tahoe), they texted me wanting to know more about us. I had a backup battery in my parka so as not to lose any data and to make sure I collected all the vertical from 8:30 AM until 4:00 PM that day. In any event, I have always liked these things and they have been of particular interest to me with their amazing technology.

So at the suggestion of my friend Mark ” the Shark” Sauers, I recently purchased a Garmin Fenix 6 X Sapphire watch. It was available on the Amazon Prime sale and I got a good deal on it. I had not purchased anything like this in a while and have been amazed at the data and information that it provides. I am only using a fraction of that data because I am not a real techie. But what I have discovered is very interesting but the watch is starting to make me feel bad. It is subtle in it’s insults and I am hoping that the information I entered as an aging athlete would have tempered it’s comments. But to no avail. This thing in a subtle way admonishes me, and I am starting to think it has a personality all of its own.

The Aging Athlete

To give you an example, it tells me I am a poor sleeper and I need to focus on getting better rest. I think I have had a decent nights sleep but I guess with the frequent trips to the bathroom as an older guy, it senses that I am not getting enough REM, and deep sleep. And it lectures me. ” Although you slept enough, your sleep was restless.” ” Try a white noise machine or earplugs.”

There is a measurement called load focus which tells me I am balanced based on my running Vo2 max trend. It tells me that my training load is sufficient to maintain fitness but I need to work out longer and more often to improve. WTH- I am riding four days a week on my mountain bike. I don’t race anymore and ride to ride again. I use my mountain bike for exercise. But this thing says I am loafing. Come on!!! Guys I went to high school with are coming home and getting a hot bath and watching Fox News. They have one foot in the grave and one on a banana peel but my Garmin won’t give me any slack.

When I look at the training effect measurement after a two hour weekday ride, it says,” This activity enhanced your ability to maintain a moderate pace for a longer amount of time” ” You gained a slight anaerobic benefit from this activity” My heart was pounding at 169 beats per minute on many climbs. I would argue about the moderate pace. I thought it was a pretty good pace at close to 8.5 MPH moving average speed. Come on Garmin- I am an old dude. It did say I had 64 minutes of vigorous intensity and 22 minutes of moderate intensity, so what gives? I think it just likes to insult me.

This winter, it says that there are over 2000 ski areas mapped into the Garmin. So wherever I am , I should be able to map how many vertical feet I log without going to the standard I-Phone app for vertical feet. I wonder if it will tell me I am lazy or not making enough turns? How will it insult me on the slopes? The watch has an app that connects to on my I Phone called Garmin Connect. It takes the data from the watch and downloads it to the app. So both the watch and the app double team me. Admonishment from two sources.

The watch- motivating or insulting?

Speed, Timing, Heart Rate, Training Effect, Elevation, Nutrition and Hydration, Temperature MTB Dynamics, and Intensity Minutes. What did I do do deserve this? TMI if you ask me but I was the one who bought the watch. So buyer beware!! If you sale for one of these watches and you are an aging athlete like me, be ready to be humiliated by a device. I am sure in its own little way- it is trying to motivate me, but my giddup and go for a lot of these measurements has gone up and left. I just need the basics to give me the data on the rides or the slopes. I don’t need much more than that. But I will still look at the watch. Heck, I sleep with it to get the after hours measurements. It is part of me now. Thanks Shark!!! Thanks for reading.

by

The Poma Lift

The Moment of Truth

Leslie McKee suggested a post on the iconic Poma lift. She said it would be a good post in and of itself and she is right. How many of you who started skiing battled with the monster of surface lifts as a kid? I can remember moving from the rope tow( which itself burned up many gloves) to the Poma lifts at our local resort. Although we got many comments and instructions on how to ride the Poma, it was always a matter of getting prepared in the track, waiting to grab the right one, and presto……off to the races. As a little kid, they always told me if I fell, not to hold on to the Poma- just let go. But what did most people do? See below. LOL!!!

Don’t hold on………LOL:!!!!!

The other frightening thing as a little kid was if the spring in the Poma was quirky, you would oftentimes be lifted right out of the track, high into the air( or so it seemed) and tried to set your feet down in the track again without falling. You never sat down. You would place the platter between your legs and hang on. Never sit down. The mantra for all of us. Poma lifts became a thing of the past in many areas but still are used to get skiers from place to place in the larger areas out west. There is still a need to connect chair lifts and in a lot of areas the only way is to transport people across a flat via a Poma lift. I have so many memories when I step into the loading zone of a Poma lift these days. I am heavy enough now not to be spring loaded into the stratosphere and I certainly know not to sit down or do what we always did and try to move in and out of the track. We all did that and tried to hang on the pole for as long as we could and launch it at the end of the ride up and laugh when we let it go. We were always the same jagoffs who would jump out of a chairlift if it was low enough and ski away from an operator who was yelling at us threatening to take our passes. Kids!!!!

The T Bar

The cousin to the Poma lift is the T-Bar. More commonly used these days and especially in Europe to transport skiers up the mountain and get them across flats between chairlifts. This lift is ridden by two people and if you were a taller person and you rode with a shorter person, it became a difficult task. The taller person had the part of the bar riding up his or her back while the opposite was true for the shorter person. Constant adjusting and laughing in the case of us youngsters at the time and a little more concerning riding it as an adult. Now for those of you who know me, I am not a confrontational person. However, one time in Austria, I happened to be riding up a T Bar with a shorter French guy. He kept jawing at me in his Gallic dialect and basically was trying to get me to adjust the position of the bar to suit his shorter stature. After a while, and listening to his verbal abuse for longer than one should ever have to, I leaned over to him and said, ” If you keep yelling at me, you are gone.” He either didn’t understand or ignored my warning and he caught my left elbow and was sent careening down the slope never to be seen again. Viva la France!!!!!

Surface lifts were intimidating, frightening, and most of all loads of fun growing up as a kid. I don’t even give them a thought today but when Leslie reminded me of all the fun times we had as kids battling the Poma lifts, I had to jot down some memories. One last one was the Poma lift at our smaller municipal ski area where I was trying to get one of our blind skiers up the hill. Regis Sullivan was a heavy guy and I put the Poma between his legs and mine and we rode up together. I screamed ” stand up Regis” because if he sat down, I am sure the ski patrol would have been involved. Another time I had a nun with a colostomy in the same position with me on the Poma. I laughingly suggested that she stand up and don’t fall. I told her I didn’t want the fallout from that one. LOL!!!! She was very open about her colostomy and I was very open about me not wanting to face the consequences.

So, thanks Leslie. I am sure I will have a few laughs like all of you reading this. Think snow and ………..don’t sit down!!!!!

by

The Brendan Boat

From the Best of http://www.chroniclesofmccloskey.com

Just trying to take a break from all the Covid-19 stuff and give you all a little enjoyment for St. Patrick’s Day. Back a number of years when I was in Ireland riding my bike, I peddled my arse to the west coast and ended up on the Dingle Peninsula. That is where I purchased the item above that depicts St. Brendan and his monks rowing their dory boat. You see St. Brendan and the monks were from a place very close to Dingle and they are famous for their explorations of the Aran Islands and westward spreading the gospel. Read Tim Severin’s book ” The Brendan Voyage” for a fascinating account of their voyages. It is said that they made it all the way to Newfoundland 500 years before Leif Erikson and close to 1000 years before Columbus made his way to the Caribbean. National Geographic also did a piece in August of 1977 reporting on Severin’s re-creation of the voyage outlined in the book. My point today is that St. Brendan and the boys were not much into social distancing. In fact they went way out of their way to spread the gospel and also meet new people and visit new lands on the way. The Irish are like that.

St. Patrick’s Day is a celebration of what the saint did in Ireland as a Christian missionary and bishop. It also celebrates Irish culture with parades, Guiness, Irish Car Bombs, and similar merriment but also recognizes the social character of the Irish and their descendants like me. My mother was a huge fan of the day and also a huge fan of all things Irish. Her humor was represented in sayings like the above and also in her love for things like Belleek china, Waterford crystal and making Irish soda bread. But again- it involved people, and our house growing up had that classic Irish tradition of gathering friends and family and enjoying the humor and the company. I spent many times on the piano in my folk’s house playing Irish songs and to this day do the same at home. My mom’s favorite saying was that “happiness is like a perfume, you can’t spread it on others without getting a little on yourself.” And she did in many ways- cooking, singing, entertaining her friends and relatives, and well…….being Irish. I believe I received her sense of humor as a gift because I always try to look at life from the bright side. If I can offer some humor to my friends and family along the way, I feel good and I hope they do as well. I tell my inane stories of my experiences on the chairlift and on mountain bike rides, much to the amusement of my friends who have graciously heard the stories over and over again. But I believe that a little self deprecation, which is the root of many of my stories, leads to belly laughs and people shaking their heads and saying………..McCloskey???????”

 

So this Tuesday is St. Patrick’s Day. Yes- we are in the middle of a national crisis. The parades have all been cancelled, restaurants are closing, bars are closing, we are encouraged to be diligent and wash our hands and keep our distance. Not in the Irish tradition at all. But we need to do it. But when the day comes, and you have “The Quiet Man” on television or maybe “Waking Ned Devine” , think of the folks that you would like to be with and give them a call or a text. Have a laugh and try to keep some humor during some trying times. I will probably do that and bore people with more stories and corny Irish jokes, but they will laugh and say- ” thanks for the call man”.        Slainte’ .

by

How would you like to be buried with my people?

I came across an old deed to our family burial plots the other day. I have not seen this document since my folks passed away back in the early 2000s. The deed is for Calvary Cemetery in Hazelwood and it says things like, ” no carriages allowed in the cemetery after dark.” Seeing that Calvary was founded in 1886, and my maternal great grandfather bought the original plots, it is a historic document that is still legal today. Turns out we have several plots still available in this historic cemetery . Reminds me of the old joke that says ” How does an Irishman propose marriage?” ” He says, How would you like to be buried with my people?” LOL!!

Famous individuals are buried in Calvary. People like former mayors of Pittsburgh, Dick Caligiuri, Bob O’Connor, and David L Lawrence. Billy Conn, the former light heavyweight champion of the world, is interred here. Harry Stuhldreher, one of the famous Four Horsemen of Notre Dame football, and Frank Gorshin- the Riddler from the Batman TV show, are buried in Calvary as well.

Apparently my grandfather and grandmother went on dates to Calvary to decorate the graves and it turned out that their respective families were buried right across the street from each other. What a romantic guy my grandfather was. ” Hey Mary- would you like to go to the cemetery?” They took picnic lunches and continued that tradition with me as a young lad. Ham sandwiches sitting on some guy’s headstone. My grandparents, between bites, explained who all was buried there. We planted geraniums on both sides of the street and made it equal. Couldn’t have the Carroll’s have more flowers than the Reynolds. The flats of flowers were provided by my dad seeing that my grandpap was a little tight. No bee like a freebie.

Fast forward and I was driving. My first destination was to O’Brien’s Funeral Home on the Northside of Pittsburgh. All of “my people” had their arrangements with O’Brien’s and if you went anywhere else, you were thought to be “high hat” and were scorned by the relatives and friends. I was so proud of myself for making it to O’Brien’s and not wrecking the car. Turns out that I made many trips there over the years because of the eventual passing of my elderly relatives. I was so happy to be able to drive to O’Brien’s and so was my mother who was usually my passenger. Ever since she rear ended a garbage truck, she was happy when I got my license.

My most recent memories of Calvary were when my folks died and I took their cremated remains to be buried in the Reynold’s plot. I can remember how strange it was to have my mother and father sitting beside me with a seat belt on the urn. I remarked that I thought that they have looked better and had a laugh to myself in a very odd trip to Hazelwood. Sometimes humor can make the solemn palatable.

Oftentimes today, I look at gravestones in cemeteries like the ones shown here in a local Lutheran Church. As a history buff, it is intriguing to me to see stones with born and died dates in the 1800’s and in some, as old as the 1700’s. I ride my mountain bike by a site in the mountains that memorializes a lightning strike that took the life of a young person. National Cemeteries like Arlington and Gettysburg memorialize great struggle and the lives that were lost in those wars

So, looking at that deed this week brought back many memories of my folks, my long gone relatives, and a final resting place for our family out in Hazelwood, Pa. I am not sure I want to be put to rest there because I have these grandiose ideas of being blown to the wind in the mountains. But my wife, who is 8 years younger, says, ” You will probably go before me and if so, you won’t have much say in the matter.” We both have a good chuckle about that one. When I remember my last time out in Calvary and observing all of my relative’s memorials, I know one thing. I won’t be having any picnics out there any time soon. Thanks for reading.

by

A River Runs Through It.

My son Jack brought home his new golden retriever puppy “River” back to see us this past week. She is an active, friendly, but rambunctious little gal to say the least, and it was an unusual experience for me- a non- dog person. You see, I have always had this thing with dogs. I kid my friends and say dogs like me- I taste like chicken. I have been bitten more times than most people and I believe it is because they sense something about me. I can be at a party of 50 people and the dog of the house always comes up to me and sniffs me in a personal area. My wife laughs because she has had experience with dogs as a pet. I have not. My experiences have been less than positive.

Years ago, when I was a kid, I used to make my way home from the back neighborhood and try to sneak through the Forrest’s yard without their boxer, Buster, hearing me. It always failed because I heard the harried breath of a running dog behind me and I took off like a shot yelling for my mom to open the screen door to the kitchen. I dove into the kitchen and Buster always banged his head off the screen door. A harrowing experience for young Patrick -every day, every month.

Moving forward- riding road bikes through the country was always a challenge. From a huge St. Bernard that would come inquisitively into the road and knock me off my bike just for kicks, to the Doberman who would head me off at the pass going up a steep hill by the farm where he resided. Every ride it seemed he would go higher and higher to cut off the angle until one day, he was waiting for me and all I could do was to make a run for it back down the hill- sprinting like wild man. I had to find another route or risk carnage.

More recently I was bitten by a Rottweiler on a winter run on a golf course. The owner wrestled the dog to the ground and basically said nothing and moved on. I was in shock as he drew blood on my well clothed left arm. More recently, I came upon a friend in the woods on a mountain bike ride. I moved close to him and asked him to take a picture of all of us riding and his little dog of some kind firmly and decidedly locked on to my right ankle growling and cutting flesh. I looked at the owner who said, ” Oh Pat- he won’t hurt you. Where are you guys riding?” Say whaaaaaat???????

So when my son came with River who you see above as a puppy, I was not sure how it would go. Last week River had grown and is now about 5 months old. I was encouraged by my friends who said that golden retrievers were friendly and River is that. She is almost too friendly and she does indeed run through everything like the movie title. Having a puppy in the house is kind of like running after a toddler. They get into everything and my son is much more laid back in his response than Janet and me. Janet bought her a harness which she seems to like and walked her quite a bit while she was visiting. I was left outside with her a couple of times while Jack and Janet had to do some chore and I engaged in kind of a dog charades when trying to get her to do her business. My neighbors laughed when they saw me engaging in showing her how to lift her leg and uttering a “psssssssssssss” phrase to encourage her. River looked at me as if to say, ” what are you doing, human?” I was confounded and soon the rightful caregivers came to my rescue. Dog charades= a dismal failure.

I have always been amazed at some dogs though. Like Chuck Greenlee’s old dog who would go on mountain bike rides with us. I always said she was a good rider in that she ran up the hills ahead of us and stayed back on the descents knowing somehow that she could not keep up going downhill. Amazingly good partner on rides.

As the week went by and we had our experiences with the little girl River, believe it or not, I became a little attached to her. My friend Hutch in Vermont says ,” Pat- a dog is the best friend you will ever have.” I was amazed at the loyalty and the attachment to me even though River didn’t know me that well. Something attracted her to me and it was not the tasty smell of my leg. As they pulled out of the driveway to head back to Michigan, she looked at me quizzically like” Aren’t you coming?” No River, I am not coming and it was nice to spend time with you but still of the mindset that I am really not a dog person. But she had softened me a bit and River and Jack have taught me a few things about dogs that I never would have known. Thanks for reading and remember- dog charades don’t work.