My mother always said, ” Happiness is like a perfume- you can’t sprinkle on others without getting a little on yourself.” Good line and so true. The other day I was listening to a podcast with Dr. Laurie Santos from Yale University on the subject of happiness. Lots of conversation about how happiness is a byproduct on how you choose to live your life. She spoke about the intensity of ivy league life and the fact that many students are not happy. One of the most popular courses at Yale is her class on Happiness, because so many students are trying to find the key. They have achieved the pinnacle of academic stature but because of the pressure to succeed, they are fundamentally unhappy and under a lot of stress.
The conversation went on to say that many highly successful people, like those in Hollywood for instance, are not happy because they are trying to fill their lives with things that really do not solve the fundamental problem of being …..unhappy. No matter how much success or money they have, their lives are unfulfilled, and they are always trying to fill the “Black Hole” with things that they think will make them happy. Dr. Santos believes that happiness is found when we concentrate on bettering the lives of others and can really appreciate helping someone else be happy. Happiness is a byproduct of our unselfish zeal to be there for someone else in their time of need. One of my mother’s other sayings was ” to have a friend is to be a friend.” Being a friend to someone or some cause can certainly trigger happiness, and self- centeredness will never fulfill that goal of filling the black hole.
When I think of things that make me happy, I think about skiing and riding my mountain bike. I can be happy enjoying the outdoors, getting some exercise, and being with friends and my wife Janet. This definitely makes me happy, but there is more to it than just satisfying my need to be outside. That is all well and good, but the real happiness occurs when you go out of your way to help someone or some cause to which you feel attached. It’s kind of like the old Christmas saying, ” giving is better than receiving.” To see a child’s face on Christmas opening a gift, to see a person who has lost a loved one smile at you for showing up for them, to be there for someone in the hospital and see that smile, to volunteer for a cause and see the fruits of your labor help the cause. All of these things can trigger that byproduct of happiness and really, can satisfy that need that is often lost in self -centered behavior.
Finally, Dr. Santos talked about being grateful for what you have. Sometimes the most downtrodden individuals in the world shock us with their grateful spirit for what they do have. Their happiness is evident in their smiles amidst some pretty dire circumstances. People who seemingly have a lot, are sometimes not grateful. There is always the need to want more, and their unhappiness is evident in their ungrateful spirit for how fortunate they really are. If you are stuck in the rut of always wanting more than you have, think more of what you do have and be grateful. We all fall into this rut at some point, and it is important to thank God for your health and your ability to do things and enjoy life. The black hole is not filled by things, or trips, or wealth. It is filled by happiness initiated by a generous spirit and a comfort in knowing that your lot in life is to be there for others.
I used to do a skit with a friend of mine at our church called ” The Black Hole.” Basically, it showed us talking about what we did to try to fill that hole and it was always recreation, trips to somewhere, more money, cars, big house, etc. The gist of the skit is that you can’t fill the black hole with things that you think will make you happy. The finish of the skit was to show that happiness and filling that hole begins with an unselfish attitude toward life and knowing that the only thing that really fills the hole is your faith in a God who loves you. Be grateful for what you have and be there for others, and you will fill the hole and genuinely be happy. If you get the chance Google Dr. Laurie Santos. She has some pretty good things to say and even though the commentary is basically secular, have a listen. Thanks for reading.
Please follow the blog on http://www.chroniclesofmccloskey.com
I was reading an interesting article this week about “A Third Place” in the latest issue of Outside Magazine. The Third Place is described as a place where people can meet and socialize with strangers, acquaintances, and friends. This would be outside the home ( first place), and the workplace ( second place). In our world, the “place” sometimes varies but the important thing is to meet and be held accountable for meeting. Take mountain biking for instance. We meet at different ” third places”, but the social interaction is there on the ride and also the post ride with libations and snacks in the parking lot. This was particularly important post-pandemic when we were all basically shut in and longing for a third place to meet and socialize. In our case, in an athletic endeavor.
In the winter, our third place oftentimes is the ski area. We have our standard places but also we make it a point to make a ” third place” not only the local area, but a vacation spot where we can ski together and socialize on the chair lift and also in an apre’s ski venue.
So what is the real importance of finding a place to exercise and gather socially outside the home or workplace? It is important to have an outlet to be with friends in an environment where we share an activity. The “place” is not as important as what we do in that place. Group exercise meetings fulfill the need to blow off some steam from the workplace and to get out of the house on a nice day or not so nice day depending on your level of intensity. Gloria Liu, in her article in Outside, says that” Third Places are posited as a solution for finding and building community during a time when Americans are increasingly alone. ” Coffee shops, bars, and other meeting places are not necessarily conducive to creating a community like a meeting place, where we are all held accountable to a mutual love of an athletic endeavor. Endorphins are released, people get excited, and make plans to meet again for a ride or a ski day. Thus the “third place” is actually a metaphor for a mutually enjoyed activity that fosters friendships and a community dedicated to health and fitness.
The “Third Place” has actually been quite important to me in that most of my good friends and social interactions have been found there. To me, it is important to have friends who hold you accountable no matter the circumstances. Weather, time constraints, etc. can all derail meetings, but when things are really clicking, you meet at that third place regularly and it becomes an important part of your lifestyle. It is not just something you do, it literally is who you are. Gloria Liu also says that the third place is one that you make, not just one you find. You become more involved. As you become a more senior member of a group, you volunteer to bring along the new people, introduce them to your other friends, and let them make new friends and be held accountable. This type of social interaction is not found necessarily in the workplace, or for many at home who perhaps are single or alone. But it is an important step in developing relationships that last a lifetime.
So, make it a point to make that weekly ride, meet friends who will ride with you daily. Perhaps a hiking or running group? There are many of them around if you search the internet. Find that third place for social interaction and become an integral, teaching part of that group. They can learn a lot from you, and you can learn a lot from them. And as I said in my last post, age really does not matter if your shared love is a sport that you can do for a lifetime. For me, riding, hiking, and skiing are those sports and I have found my “third places” for all of them. Thanks for reading.
Please follow the blog on http://www.chroniclesofmccloskey.com It helps me.
I always post on Adventurefest every year because it is such a great gathering of Christian, outdoor oriented men. The Boyer’s Pond Campground serves as the venue, and Greg Nass and his team hit a home run every year with activities like mountain biking, hiking, fishing, Harley rides, and even a welding tutorial. But more importantly, some thought provoking messages by his talented roster of Assembly of God pastors. There is nothing like physical activities in the beautiful Laurel Highlands coupled with spiritual activities that complete the whole experience of being in God’s wonderful natural environment.
Friday- Upon arrival at Laurel Mountain in the afternoon, our group of mountain bikers assembled in the parking lot near the ski area to take on the challenging trails as a start to the weekend.
We dodged the rain, which came at the end of the ride, changed clothes and headed for a wonderful meal at The Fat Squirrel in Jennerstown. Heading to Boyer’s Pond in a rainstorm, we set up our tents and headed to the 3 Cs Church on the campground. We heard Pastor Michael Abreau tell us how a lot of us are like a ’64 Impala waiting to be restored. God is the master mechanic, and the potential renovation is available for all of us if we let Him into our lives. Great message to end the day and head back to the tents. Rained all night but we managed to stay dry with functioning rain flies on the tents.
Saturday morning- Awoke to coffee, served by Shark, and oatmeal served by yours truly, with Roger Evans from West Virginia providing an egg casserole. Good thing we had John Casuccio’s awning for his camper to get out of the torrential rain to eat. We headed to the Quemahoning Reservoir to take on the challenging trail system in deep mud and slime. We were caked, along with our bikes after the ride, but managed to finish in sunny conditions after starting out in in the pouring rain.
After a quick lunch and shower, we all headed to the 3 Cs Church again to hear a panel discussion with Pastors Jonathan Whyns, Paul Boseviert, Pete Gacialone, and Todd Pugh. They answered tough questions about faith and spirituality. Time well spent with 4 guys who know the answers or are at least willing to comment humbly on the subjects presented. The session ended with Pastor Jimmy Rivera from City Limits Assembly of God in Philadelphia giving us an exhortation on seeking the Lord and allowing him to search your soul. Jimmy spoke about the unlimited neediness of the soul matching the unlimited grace of God. God the Creator breathed a soul into all of us ,and will come looking for that soul someday. Really convicting, followed by a passionate prayer from Jimmy for all of those guys willing to come forward in humility. Jimmy and Mark “Shark” Sauers prayed individually for all the guys. Shark was a great MC for the event and we all said- he found his calling for sure.
After another great meal at the Fat Squirrel, ( courtesy of Bill Belch), we headed back to the campground and the walk to the Cross. Friday and Saturday nights, Greg and his team set up time for guys to come forward at a wooden cross and give their testimonies. Then after their testimony, they hammer a nail into the cross signifying that they are giving it up to the Lord. Amazing stories of drug dealing, addiction, potential suicide, lost families and spouses, and how someone who inserted themselves into their lives saved them from ruin. Those evangelistic souls preached the saving message of Christianity to people who really needed it, and the fruits of their labor stood at the cross and pounded those nails.
The cool thing about Adventurefest and the organization -Adventuremen.org, is the evidence of humility and grace. In this troubled world, people need prayer and that is why most guys come to the event. Sure, they want to experience the camping, the fellowship, the fun events, the fires, the breakfasts, and on and on. But they are all normal Joe’s trying to get along in life. Nothing condescending about them. They don’t have an “above it all” attitude. These guys want to hear a good message that means something in their lives. They want to hear about forgiveness and the grace available for believers. Greg and his team provide a wonderful experience in the wilds of the Laurel Highlands- rain or not. Who cares?
On a final note, we lost our buddy Bob Anderson last year who attended Adventurefest for the first time. He loved it, had a great time, and after wanting to get more involved, tragically passed away two weeks later on the trails that he loved. We always say Bob went from Adventurefest to Heaven. What a journey! Greg fashioned a screw with Bob’s initials, and I screwed that into the cross on Saturday night. What a nice tribute to a great guy that we all so deeply miss. But we surely know where he is, as we knew his path in life.
So, not to get too preachy here, but if you have an urge or curiosity, come to Adventurefest next year. Always the weekend before Father’s Day. Great times in the woods with a bunch of guys who will ride Harleys with you, throw axes with you, fish with you, hike with you, mountain bike with you and most of all……..inspire you. http://www.adventurefest.org http://www.adventuremen.org Thanks for reading.
” I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” – Phillipians 4:13
Please follow the blog on http://www.chroniclesofmccloskey.com It helps me.
chroniclesofmccloskey 