Pat is taking a break from his blog post today and we volunteered to write his daggone post for him. We are his hiking boots. Not any hiking boots mind you, but we are Vasque Hiker IIs. Yea there are lighter, faster, shoes on the market today but we will slay them all. We are the Vikings of hiking boots. So it all began when our nimrod owner bought us and brought us to Allegheny College in Meadville,Pa. A light mist is Meadville sunshine and we tromped around with him in the wet and the mud until he got the bright idea to spread snow seal all over us to make us waterproof. WTH- that stuff is nasty and we thought what are you doing to us? But we later found out that it was good idea and that Pat was brighter than he looks. His constant slathering served us well over the years.
So his blog is titled the experiences of a 58 year old kid? Who is he kidding? He looks rode hard and put away wet just like us. His face is like a catchers mitt for crying out loud. You can’t believe the crap that this guy put us through over the years. Take when he got out of school and decided that he was going to be a granola cruncher and hike on weekends on the Laurel Ridge Hiking Trail in Pennsylvania. At least he had the decency to put us under cover in the evenings in the lean to shelters. You can’t dry us out when you are burning wet logs, nimrod, and the smoke kept choking us. He then took us to these crazy hikes in New Hampshire with an 80 pound pack on his back. Skis, ski boots, all kinds of gear and junk and he expected us to support him through all the streams and snow. Then when it came time to actually hike the mountain, he abandons us and puts on his ski boots. They can’t climb like us. Too bad he didn’t slip and slide all the way down on his derierre, the inconsiderate goof. But we complied and serviced him as always.
Fast forward and he has us at the Hahhnenkaam Men’s Downhill in Austria. He and his pal hiked up the course which was a solid sheet of ice. He was complaining about the traction. I mean what were we supposed to do? Grow crampons??? What a putz. How about the time he took us to the World Mountain Bike Championships in Vail, Colorado and he had us walking all day looking at Tomac, Overend, and all his heroes. Man were we ripe at the end of that day. He dumped us in the corner of the condo and let us air out all night. This guy has had us working like a dog all over the country as hiking boots, after ski boots, and now he has us working on day hikes with his wife like he is some kind of benevolent soul who is trying to show his wife the wonders of nature. The ultimate insult is that he also uses us currently to keep traction on his steep hillside while he is mowing tha grass that grows out of this backyard cliff. The cheap putz won’t even get his hillside landscaped so he puts us through the pain of holding his rear end up while he mows the hill sideways. We don’t want to see that nasty mower blade any closer than he puts us to it.
We have been with this guy for 41 years. It is amazing that we still have the original tread and that he hasn’t abused us any more than he has. Look at us? We are beat. Yet he is older than us. That is the only thing that keeps us going is that we will beat him in the end. Oh well, all in all, he is a good guy and we have enjoyed mostly all of the adventures that he has shared with us. So, we were happy to write this post. He thinks he is Hemmingway or somehing. What a joke. But we will go along with him like we always do. Thanks for reading -like he always says. What a jagoff, but we love him.