My mother always said, ” Happiness is like a perfume- you can’t sprinkle on others without getting a little on yourself.” Good line and so true. The other day I was listening to a podcast with Dr. Laurie Santos from Yale University on the subject of happiness. Lots of conversation about how happiness is a byproduct on how you choose to live your life. She spoke about the intensity of ivy league life and the fact that many students are not happy. One of the most popular courses at Yale is her class on Happiness, because so many students are trying to find the key. They have achieved the pinnacle of academic stature but because of the pressure to succeed, they are fundamentally unhappy and under a lot of stress.

The conversation went on to say that many highly successful people, like those in Hollywood for instance, are not happy because they are trying to fill their lives with things that really do not solve the fundamental problem of being …..unhappy. No matter how much success or money they have, their lives are unfulfilled, and they are always trying to fill the “Black Hole” with things that they think will make them happy. Dr. Santos believes that happiness is found when we concentrate on bettering the lives of others and can really appreciate helping someone else be happy. Happiness is a byproduct of our unselfish zeal to be there for someone else in their time of need. One of my mother’s other sayings was ” to have a friend is to be a friend.” Being a friend to someone or some cause can certainly trigger happiness, and self- centeredness will never fulfill that goal of filling the black hole.

When I think of things that make me happy, I think about skiing and riding my mountain bike. I can be happy enjoying the outdoors, getting some exercise, and being with friends and my wife Janet. This definitely makes me happy, but there is more to it than just satisfying my need to be outside. That is all well and good, but the real happiness occurs when you go out of your way to help someone or some cause to which you feel attached. It’s kind of like the old Christmas saying, ” giving is better than receiving.” To see a child’s face on Christmas opening a gift, to see a person who has lost a loved one smile at you for showing up for them, to be there for someone in the hospital and see that smile, to volunteer for a cause and see the fruits of your labor help the cause. All of these things can trigger that byproduct of happiness and really, can satisfy that need that is often lost in self -centered behavior.

Finally, Dr. Santos talked about being grateful for what you have. Sometimes the most downtrodden individuals in the world shock us with their grateful spirit for what they do have. Their happiness is evident in their smiles amidst some pretty dire circumstances. People who seemingly have a lot, are sometimes not grateful. There is always the need to want more, and their unhappiness is evident in their ungrateful spirit for how fortunate they really are. If you are stuck in the rut of always wanting more than you have, think more of what you do have and be grateful. We all fall into this rut at some point, and it is important to thank God for your health and your ability to do things and enjoy life. The black hole is not filled by things, or trips, or wealth. It is filled by happiness initiated by a generous spirit and a comfort in knowing that your lot in life is to be there for others.

I used to do a skit with a friend of mine at our church called ” The Black Hole.” Basically, it showed us talking about what we did to try to fill that hole and it was always recreation, trips to somewhere, more money, cars, big house, etc. The gist of the skit is that you can’t fill the black hole with things that you think will make you happy. The finish of the skit was to show that happiness and filling that hole begins with an unselfish attitude toward life and knowing that the only thing that really fills the hole is your faith in a God who loves you. Be grateful for what you have and be there for others, and you will fill the hole and genuinely be happy. If you get the chance Google Dr. Laurie Santos. She has some pretty good things to say and even though the commentary is basically secular, have a listen. Thanks for reading.

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